Eyes Wide Open

It occured to me yesterday as I was giving the girls a bubble bath that on Friday I could have died. (No this is not a morbid post.) I have flashbacks about the accident just about everyday. I know it could have been worse. It could have been a LOT worse. The thing that gets me the most is that it almost was. When my car was impacted it pushed me into the third lane of the freeway. The ONLY thing that kept me from getting hit by the cars in that lane coming at 60-70mph was the 18 wheelers back end that had somehow been twisted over enough into my lane to block the oncoming traffic. It probably saved my life. So even though it was his fault it happened in the first place he also saved me.

This accident was a serious eye opener to me. Life is precious. Life is fragile. And life is NOT to be taken for granted.

I feel so blessed to be here now. I have also realized that I usually let little things get to me more than I should. If the kids spill something I get upset. If I can't find something right away I get aggitated. I know that that has to change. I don't want my babies to look back on their childhood and remember a mama who was always stressed and upset. I want them to look back and say "Man I had a fantastic childhood!"

One of the first steps towards appreciating life is to clear out the excess and clutter. I have been doing a lot of surfing on the net and I love how much inspiration is out there. When I have clutter and lots of stuff hanging around it takes way longer to pick up the house which takes away from my time with the kids. That is NOT ok. Half of the stuff I don't use or want anymore so why hang onto it? It affects my life more than I ever realized.

My eyes are wide open now. I am noticing the beauty in small simple things. I honestly don't even have a desire to shop for things(other than food and household items) right now. I have always been a shopper. If I wasn't spending money somehow I wasn't happy. But that is fake happiness. I am not going to get a better understanding of life by blowing money and bringing home new junk. Last night I couldn't sleep. We have some serious decisions to make regarding our settlement and it was wearing on me last night. Normally I would have gotten up and turned the comp. back on but instead I pulled out my Bible. Well it is the Bible but it breaks it all down in words you can understand. I read until my meds got the best of me and then I said my prayers and went to sleep. This morning I woke up with clarity about what to do. I am not confused anymore over our decision and I feel lighter.

I did not die in that crash but my old outlook on life sure did. It's a whole new world for me now. One that I can't wait to explore.